Gentlemen, we know how it feels — women can be confusing. But they don’t have to be.
PeopleAsia columnist Eppy Gochangco gives us the lowdown on what women really want from their male counterparts in five short and sweet points that are worth the read.
By EPPY GOCHANGCO
“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood,” Oscar Wilde once said.
To truly understand women can often be as difficult as trying to fathom the depths of the sea. It is scientifically proven that men are more straightforward, whereas women ramble and tend to think in circles.
Don’t worry, this article is not about the PMS rants of a hormonal female. It’s about one word: respect.
(Solenn married longtime beau Nico Bolzico this year, finding exactly what she was looking for in him)
Did you expect something extremely profound and mind blowing to answer the question of what women want? Some great secret that was never passed along the generations? It might not be rocket science, but in order for a man to unconditionally give respect to a complete female stranger without expecting anything in return is much more difficult than it appears.
Sure, most men may argue that there is absolutely no way respect can be the one thing women truly want. It can’t be that easy! Whatever happened to the never-ending list of criteria such as loyalty, consideration, appreciation and attention? Then, of course, there’s the textbook feminist who says equality should be at the top of everyone’s list.
(Belle Daza was blessed with wedded bliss full of respect and understanding from both sides when she tied the knot with Adrien Semblat)
This is where the problem lies: the general female population often mistakes equality with respect. They might be synonymous, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say no, we don’t want equality. Even the most confident, capable and independent woman does in fact desire an old-school gentleman who will treat her like the queen that she is. If anything, that innate longing is even greater but highly suppressed.
What men don’t realize is that modern career women have deferred their predisposed emotional side in order to survive and thrive in a male-dominated society. Chivalry shouldn’t be a thing of the past, confined to black and white movies or Shakespearean novels. To say we secretly expect chivalry yet demand equality only gives women a bad rap for being hypocrites. Not to mention that this double standard places unjust expectations on the average male. I’m here to shut down the belief that all traditional women first and foremost want equality.
(Toni Gonzaga found her match in husband Paul Soriano)
Yes, you read that right.
How can we claim that we want to be treated as equals when all hell breaks loose the moment an anniversary is forgotten or when we call men jerks for not helping us carry our things when they can blatantly see we are struggling.
Whether women like to admit it or not, they want to be wined and dined. As capable as we are, no — we don’t want to open our own door!
At the same time men, no matter how much they say they want an independent woman, a man will still always want to feel and be treated like, you guessed it — the man.
You might think all this proves that women want a romantic partner who religiously re-enacts scenes from The Notebook. But it’s not as simple as that. In order to deserve a man’s affection and attention, we must first gain his respect.
This is not a plea for romanticism. Fundamentally, respect is the most un-patronizing and unbiased form of validation you can bestow upon another human being. Without respect, there is no incentive or obligation to be loyal, considerate, appreciative and so on to women.
(Iya Villania is set to celebrate her third wedding anniversary with Drew Arellano in January)
When there is respect between individuals, regardless of gender, each will always know his/her rightful place. Though Oscar Wilde may have had a romantically good point, might we suggest, “Women are meant to be respected, not to be understood.” Understood?
Now if that still wasn’t direct enough, here are some tips on how to be a respectful gentleman:
1. Be honest
No hidden agenda. Never underestimate the power of the woman’s intuition. Be sincere and we will appreciate it.
2. Ask questions.
Showing interest (no matter how uninterested you are) is a sign of respect, and an opportunity for you men to be surprised at what you just might discover about women.
3. Quit stereotyping
Blondes don’t always have more fun. African-Americans don’t all have big penises and women aren’t all little girls that need your protection.
4. Don’t throw chivalry out the door
Even the strongest and most dominant of women still long to be treated like a lady. Likewise, any well-bred woman will not emasculate a man just to establish dominance. It is a two-way street.
5. Life is NOT like The Notebook
We get it. But women shouldn’t also be treated as objects like in Neil Strauss’, The Game. It’s all about balancing naughty with nice.