BY ALEX Y. VERGARA
After losing a spouse to cancer and emerging from a failed marriage, respectively, Victor and Linda Ley have learned for themselves that “love’s more comfortable the second time you fall.”
— Linda
It’s another classic case of the song outliving the singer. Yes, even someone as huge as the late Frank Sinatra. When he first sang “The Second Time Around” in 1960, he unwittingly gave life to the immortal line that would continue to resonate to this day with couples of all ages, especially those having another go at marriage: “Love is lovelier the second time around.”
After losing a spouse to cancer and emerging from a failed marriage, respectively, Victor and Linda Ley are living proof that, as Ol’ Blue Eyes continued, “love’s more comfortable the second time you fall.”
He makes her laugh, she says, and spoils her at every turn. Instead of involving her, for instance, in the family business, as is typical among not a few Chinese-Filipino families, Victor told Linda early on to just take care of the home and enjoy herself by going out with her friends.
Girls should have fun
“When she first approached me about it, I said, come on, why would you still go into business?” says Victor. “Why do you need to do that? I’d rather see you entertain your friends, go out and have fun with them than get wrinkles from all the stress of running a company.”
For her part, Linda appreciates the fact that she and Victor, who’s never been the jealous type, trust each other. Unlike certain couples, they’re not always together during parties and social events. Linda, the more visible of the two, has become a leading society figure through the years, while Victor, a low-key businessman and a natural people person, is content to be on the sidelines most of the time.
“To make a relationship work, I’d say trust between couples is really number one,” says Linda. “When I dress up before going out with my friends, most men would probably ask why are you dressed up? Why are you fully made up? Who are you spending the evening with without me? That sort of thing. Victor has never been like that.”
In fact, through the years, Linda’s close friends, particularly people who make up The Js (short for jologs, a Filipino slang word referring to an unrefined or coarse person), have also become Victor’s friends. They regularly hold parties at the Ley residence, particularly during the Christmas season, when Linda indulges in her passion for cooking and entertaining.
Victor, a light sleeper, is often roused from sleep when Linda sometimes arrives in the wee hours fresh from one of her social engagements. Instead of keeping the events of the evening to herself, Linda regales her husband with stories and pictures of people on her iPhone. It’s as if Victor attended the event himself without leaving the comfort of their bedroom.
“People see me in magazines and social media all glammed up and everything,” she says. “That’s just one aspect of me. In private, however, I’m a homemaker at heart, cooking, organizing and making sure everything at home is in order. I enjoy doing it for my family.”
Two-way street
Linda reciprocates that trust whenever it’s her husband’s turn to entertain clients and business associates. And that would usually involve dining out with them and taking them to bars.
“When my mother-in-law was still alive, there was a time when she and I would even pick Victor up at a bar during one of those late nights,” Linda recalls. “Instead of going straight home, if it’s a Wednesday, we would all troop to Baclaran Church and pray.”
Both are also devoted to their respective families. If there was one thing that initially endeared Linda to Victor, it was her natural affinity to look after his mother and his then two very young boys. Instead of living, for instance, in the Ley ancestral home during her twilight years, Victor’s mother chose to move in with them in their new home. She liked Linda that much.
Linda wasn’t visible in the social scene yet, as she lovingly devoted her time looking after Victor’s family and running the household while he was mostly away at work. Their then newly built home in Quezon City took into consideration Victor’s elderly mother’s needs. She eventually passed away in her nineties some years back.
“I love being with kids as well as old people,” says Linda. “You learn a lot from them.”
From being called “Tita Linda” by Mark and Michael, Victor’s two sons by his late wife Cherry, the two boys, who were barely two and three years old when Linda first laid eyes on them, seamlessly transitioned into calling her “mama” when she entered their lives for good. Victor showed the same love for Linda’s daughter from her former husband, even adopting and giving her his family name as soon as she came of age. The two are now proud grandparents of a healthy baby boy from their unica hija (only daughter).
“How could your heart not melt?” says Linda, referring to the time when she saw the two little boys soon after they lost their mother. They were so cute yet so oblivious of the new life that awaited them. The thought that they would grow up without a mom broke everyone’s heart, including Linda’s.
Priceless tribute
“Unless people know about our story, they think that the two boys are really my biological sons,” she adds. Linda received one of her best birthday gifts ever when she celebrated a milestone birthday four years ago. When asked to pay tribute to her, the two boys, who are now young men, declared to the world that they’ve known no other mother but Linda and are proud to be called her sons.
Seeing how comfortable they are with each other, one would think that Victor and Linda have been close friends all their lives. The truth is, although they’ve known each other from way back, they hardly interacted all those years.
For a time, Linda lived in California with her first husband. She and Victor only had the chance to reconnect when Linda accompanied her former mother-in-law to visit the ailing Cherry. It was also the first and last time she and the now late Cherry would meet.
“Her former mother-in-law was my baptismal ninang (godmother),”
says Victor. “Favorite ako ’nun (I was her favorite).” In other words, Linda’s ex-husband, he adds, “is my kinakapatid (his godmother’s son).”
“In short, during all those years, ’di niya ako type (I wasn’t Victor’s type),” Linda butts in with a smile.
But Linda has always been close to most of Victor’s family members, particularly his older brother and late younger sister. It was the latter who later paved the way for the then newly widowed Victor and newly separated Linda to be together. Before they became a couple, both were struggling to move on.
Less than a year after Cherry passed away, Victor, in a vain attempt to assuage his loneliness, was out almost every night partying with people almost half his age. Since he was very much available, women would readily flock to him, he says, and he dated some of them.
Linda wasn’t looking for someone on purpose. But she told herself that if ever she would commit again to a relationship, she would look for the exact opposite of her rather controlling and emotional former husband.
A new light
“Then I began to see Victor in a different light,” she adds. Although she was attracted to him, it wasn’t strong enough for her to abandon her newfound freedom. “Awa (compassion) for him and his kids wasn’t what made him attractive to me because he was dating young girls at that time!”
Slowly, she got to know the person behind the man. He was everything she wasn’t — humble, low key and innately funny. “Admittedly, I was a bit mayabang (proud) when I was much younger,” Linda shares. “I don’t know. It was hard for me to say or admit that I love someone. You love me? Okay. But now, I’ve changed! Life has humbled me and made me wiser.”
“I’m super ordinary, from the way I dress to the way I talk,” Victor chimes in. “While my wife looks too sosyal (upper class), I’m a koboy (not fussy). I can talk and relate to almost anyone. Even the balut vendor. All the things I enjoy and appreciate now in terms of luxuries, rubbed off on me from my wife.”
For his part, Victor could no longer recall what initially drew him to Linda. What he remembers though, as their relationship started to turn serious, was underneath that lovely and sophisticated exterior, Linda, who thrives in domestic life as much as she enjoys basking in the limelight, is at heart a simple woman.
Asked what advice they could give other couples to keep their relationship from going stale, Victor emphasizes on “complete acceptance and support for each other.
“The moment you learn to appreciate each other, despite your shortcomings, is the moment everything starts to fall into place,” he says.
Apart from trust, which is continuously earned, Linda cites the importance of being faithful to one’s partner. There should always be room for forgiveness, but neither partner should take such allowances for granted.
“How can you trust somebody when all he or she says is sorry repeatedly,” she says. “And in everything you do as a couple, be it big or small, always be appreciative. I also learned something from Victor whenever we have a misunderstanding. I sit down and write down all his positive and negative traits.”
Almost always, Linda adds, Victor’s endearing traits in the positive column overwhelmingly outnumber those in the negative one. It’s the pros and not the cons about their partners that couples should dwell on.
Photography by Jar Concengco
