By Aubreylaine M. Salazar
Whenever Filipinos hold birthday parties for their lolos and lolas, the young ones would always wish their grandparents good health and, despite their advanced age, long life. Unfortunately, life is not a party and not every grandparent has grandkids and relatives to wish them well. For old people like them, there are places like Haven for the Elderly in Tanay, Rizal.
Haven for the Elderly is a residential care facility created by the Congressional Spouses group for aged people who have been abandoned by their families, separated from their loved ones, or left behind due to the death of their significant others. Before Haven, there was Golden Acres, which was located in Quezon City until a fire razed the facility to the ground and had to be transferred to Tanay.
After a three-hour trip uphill to the Haven, we were welcomed by smiling, wrinkled faces eager to share their stories with us. Apparently, they were expecting visitors because Pinky Tobiano of Pinky Cares Foundation was celebrating her birthday with them.
Pinky, a cancer survivor and a passionate advocate of care for the elderly, has been working closely with the facility for 26 years now through her non-stock, non-profit foundation. She said she founded Pinky Cares 26 years ago after her grandmother passed away. Pinky wanted to give back the care and love that her lola gave her to the elderly who are least cared for or abandoned.
“I have been supporting this shelter for about 26 years so most of their needs, their food, we provide for them. We also give them medical assistance through Pinky Cares Foundation,” Pinky said.
As per tradition, Pinky would go to the Haven on her birthday and bring friends with her to raise awareness and expand support for her cause. “I hope they (her friends) would be able to bring their families here as well. That’s my biggest objective because I cannot do it alone,” Pinky added.
During the visit, guests had to register before entering the residents’ rooms so that we could be assigned to a lolo or lola. I eventually ended up being assigned to 72-year-old Erlinda Alonzo.
It was an awkward encounter at first because of the unease and unfamiliarity between the sickly or bedridden elderly and us, their visitors. But such an atmosphere ended as soon as we got to talk to them.
It was a joy to have met Lola Erlinda who, despite her old age, managed to confidently showcase her knack for dancing and singing in front of us. She might have looked frail, but she was positive, her smile genuine, and her repertoire of stories seemingly limitless.
As I listened to her, I found that life from the perspective of the elderly is just really simple. It is about being able to touch other peoples’ lives, spending time with your loved ones and treating everybody as your equal in the eyes of God.
“’Yang mga pusa, hindi dapat sinasaktan ‘yan dahil nilikha din ng Diyos ‘yan eh—para mabuhay. Nabubuhay din sila, nagugutom, nauuhaw. (Those cats, they should not be harmed because they were also created by God. They are also living creatures, able to feel hunger and thirst).” As she described the wandering cat, it occurred to me that she might have been unconsciously referring to aged people like her and their condition in retirement homes like Haven.
It was also fascinating how her short remarks struck me. Lola Erlinda said she does not like calling visitors Ma’am or Sir. Instead, she calls everyone sister or brother because she believes that we are all God’s children, which I believe is true.
When I asked her about her ultimate wish in life, she said, “Wish ko talaga na tumagal pa ang buhay ko sa kalooban ng Diyos at makapunta ako sa Muntinlupa. (Through God’s grace, I wish to live longer and be able to go to Muntinlupa).” Apparently, her relatives from Muntinlupa stopped visiting her years ago and now, she is left to spend the rest of her days alone. It was heart-wrenching to hear.
It was also just as painful to see lolas asking us to get them extra sets of fried chicken we ate for lunch. According to Lola Erlinda, they only get to eat good food when visitors come. At that point, I was pretty sure it was not just me who tried to hold back tears.
When it was time to go, I could not help but overhear the conversation between a lola and a caretaker. The caretaker asked, “Ayaw niyo silang umalis, Lola? (You don’t want them to leave, Lola?)” To which the old woman responded “Hindi. Dito na sila matulog sa kama, kami na sa sahig. (No. They can sleep on the bed and we will sleep on the floor instead.)” They obviously needed company, which is not always available to them, and that made me wish I could stay longer.
These lolos and lolas have very big hearts, but it is unfortunate that they have to spend their time isolated in homes for the aged.
That’s why Pinky goes out of her way to make sure the lolos and lolas feel the support from her and her friends. “I hope I can instill in the lolas that they’re not here because they were abandoned, that they’re here because it’s their chance to reconnect with God and make this time a quiet time [for them] to reflect about their lives,” Pinky added.
Although the facility tries its best to take care of old people like Lola Erlinda, the warmth and ease of growing old with a family by your side is still different. These people crave companionship and affection, and people like Pinky tries to give them as much as she could.
“Sometimes in life we complain about the smallest things. When we’re here (in Haven) we don’t even have any right to complain. These old people, they’re just waiting for the time [when] God would take them,” Pinky said.
It was a cold morning in the Haven that day yet the elderly exuded warmth and optimism. The elderly called us visitors “God’s blessings” to them, thanking us for the food and the hugs. Truth be told, it was them we should be thankful for because sharing a few hours with them reminded us, at least from my perspective, that there’s more to life than wealth and creature comforts.
Pinky hopes to raise sustainable help from friends for these people, not just a one-time big-time help like what goes on during her birthdays. In addition, she also hopes that more people would take time to go there despite the distance and share a meal and an entire afternoon with the lolos and lolas.
(Pinky Cares Foundation is holding a monthly feeding program for the elderly. Should you be interested in donating or visiting, you may contact Anya at 0917 823 8888.)
