For this poised and soft-spoken lady, the best way to know if a person is a good friend — as opposed to a mere friend —is by simply allowing your feelings instead of your mind to make that discernment.
By ALEX Y. VERGARA
If you ask Tootsy Angara what the ultimate definition of a real friend is, the network executive and wife of Education Secretary Sonny Angara’s quick and easy answer is “a person who’s willing to defend and put in a good word for you,” particularly from nasty, unfounded talk, “especially when you’re not around.”
But whether there’s a semblance of truth to such talk or not, it’s not for anyone to make hasty judgments on another person because, she adds, “you don’t really know what’s going on in a person’s life at a particular moment in time.
“As outsiders, we don’t see the total picture. So, who are we to judge? It’s none of our business to pass any judgment on a person’s personal dealings and private affairs.”
It’s probably for this reason, among so many other reasons, that Tootsy has developed such deep and meaningful friendships with broadcaster Karen Davila and influencer Small Laude. Believe it or not, whenever the three ladies get together, sometimes with their respective families, like during their group holiday in Botswana and later in Greece, they never talk about other people. They don’t exchange notes on the latest “it” bags or clothes either. They feel they’re too old for that.
Instead, they talk about themselves, their families and their dreams for their children. Of course, beauty and youth-enhancing tips have become part and parcel of their conversation. But so are matters concerning their and their families’ health and the best doctors to see for this or that ailment or health concern.
Tootsy tries to go to great lengths to define what true friendship is. But like love, she says, you just know if a person is a good friend as opposed to a mere friend, a word not a few people use loosely these days, by simply allowing your feelings instead of your mind to make that discernment.
“Perhaps the reason I understand a certain person and what she’s going through is because I can relate to her while others can’t,” Tootsy adds. There are so many dimensions to a friendship. But the most important thing for it to work is for both parties to be authentic, accepting and to impose no conditions. Friendship also entails opening up and revealing yourself to another person. It involves some risks because you allow yourself to become vulnerable, but, like they say, it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”
Tootsy and Karen have known each other for more than two decades now. Although they’ve been friends for close to 15 years, they became “super close” some three years ago. Karen was later instrumental in introducing Tootsy to Small sometime later. From then on, the three ladies have become almost inseparable.
“The good thing about our friendship is it also involves our respective families,” Tootsy shares. The group friendship was forged when the three women and their respective families went on a four-day safari adventure in Botswana. With no modern-day means of communication and entertainment to distract and connect them with the outside world, they had no choice but to travel together and take in the sights during the day and communicate and swap stories with each other in the evening around a warm campfire.
“We bonded during those precious four days,” she says. “For me, that trip to Africa was the best!”
On a more personal note, Tootsy values go-getter Karen’s input and the way she gives her that extra push to turn her ideas and advocacies into reality. One such advocacy is to support the DepEd’s “Last Mile School Program” by raising funds to provide laptops for children living in remote and conflict areas in the Philippines such as the Cordilleras and Pag-Asa Island in the West Philippine Sea, through Connect-Ed.
“She’s very special to me because she helped me realize my purpose in life,” she says. “Karen helped me make it happen. Together, we were able to raise P21 million for our ‘Last Mile’ project.”
As for Small, both Tootsy and Sonny adore her for her unique and effervescent quality in spreading joy wherever she goes. Small’s ability to touch people and make them happy, Tootsy believes, is a gift. And that positivity extends to how Small really is in private, choosing as much as possible not to talk about anyone in a negative light.
“She’s such a naturally happy, jolly person. And the way you see her in her vlogs is how she really is. Her ability to bring joy to people, make them smile, inspire them, has become her advocacy. And that’s not an easy thing to do.”
As for Tootsy, she declines with a shy smile when asked what she brings to the friendship. “Ay, nakakahiya naman (That’s a bit embarrassing),” she concludes with a girlish chuckle. “It shouldn’t come from me. It’s best that you ask them. I will always be here to give advice, extend a helping hand and create more memories with my friends.”
