By Jose Paolo S. dela Cruz/ Photography by Jar Concengco
While it was she who held the paintbrush, it was He who created the masterpiece through a series of miracles that would finally break the consummate melancholy that once lorded over this artist’s life.
“God is not a statue,” says the mural adorning an empty altar in Kristine’s compound in Marikina. More than a religious statement, it is an epitaph of sorts for Kristine’s first son, whom she lost when she had a miscarriage in 2012. These words, according to her, are a constant reminder that God is always with her — a lesson that took decades for her to learn, accept and live by.
Even before losing her first son, life has been a series of struggles for this UP Fine Arts graduate, who grew up knowing that she was a difficult person to deal with.
“I remember how my parents would send me to an albularyo (quack doctor) when I was young, dahil napakasalbahe kong bata (because I was such a mean child). Growing up, I made a lot of enemies because people found me rude and brash,” she says now with a chuckle — and without a hint of denial.
Eventually, a neurologist in New York would confirm that she has paranoid personality disorder that resulted in her eccentricity, depression and even suicidal tendencies.
The older she got though, the bigger the consequences became. By the time she was in her twenties, her condition had made her unable to hold on to jobs, or to sustain the business ventures she went into. In time, her bouts with depression started to threaten her marriage to husband Jasper, a former politician from Marinduque, who even gave up his political career at her behest. Add to this the loss of her first baby and the rabbit hole went deeper and darker for Kristine with every waking morning.
Then one Sunday evening a couple of years back, Kristine found herself in a church at the invitation of her friends. She didn’t know how they convinced her to go. Religion was the last thing on her mind. But there she was, and to her surprise, she was listening.
“I will never forget that 6 p.m. service in Victory, when the pastor suddenly preached about psychology and mental health,” she says. “I felt very special, very blessed. I was in the right place at the right time. After that, things began to look different. I didn’t feel like I was alone in this.”
The spark eventually renewed her faith. Kristine started to pick up the pieces of what was her seemingly broken life. She appreciated her blessings more, which by then included not just her husband, who had encouraged her to go back to painting, but also her daughter Justine.
However, not all was blooming roses for the Lims. For at a time when they were supposed to be at their happiest, Kristine once again found a seemingly insurmountable trial.
In 2019, Kristine delivered her twin sons prematurely. And while Judah struggled to survive some birth complications, he did successfully celebrate his second birthday last Dec. 05.
His twin John, unfortunately, wasn’t as lucky. The couple lost him in March 2020, just three months after his birth.
“The pain was there, yes. So much of it,” she says. But unlike before, even in the midst of her anger and anxiety, she too, had her faith. And it made all the difference. “The COVID-19 lockdown had just been declared but I barely noticed it. I was absorbed in my sadness, in my prayers. In that time, God told me to paint,” she shares.
A new chapter
In late 2020 Kristine channeled all her pain, anguish and love into art. This resulted in Almost There, her first solo exhibit, which was held at the Manila Hotel and Diamond Hotel Philippines. “All this pain was a wake-up call for me to live for God. And after all these years, whether through the encouragement of my friends, or my husband, He has been telling me to go back to art,” she says.
Kristine, a former advertising creative who dabbled in some art shows more than a decade ago, admits that her peers in the art community were skeptical about her having a solo exhibit to stage a comeback. It was too big a risk, they told her. And they were partly right. Galleries and collectors probably had no idea who Kristine S. Lim was.
Still, she found inexplicable confidence in the project at hand. “It’s as if a mysterious voice was telling me to go on with the vision that was planted in me. I worked on my paintings. I wrote a proposal to the Manila Hotel without really knowing anyone there. I just followed the Lord until everything fell into to place,” she narrates.
In the end, all her pieces were sold-out, even before opening night.
A year later on Oct. 1, 2021, Kristine would find herself back at the Manila Hotel for her second solo exhibit. Aptly dubbed as Soar, the collection of 33 mixed media artworks, including a number of triptychs, was also a sold-out success. Symbolic of her journey, the series showcased a number of eagles in their magnificence. One look and you can almost see Kristine herself, stretching her wings and breaking free from the troubles that once pained her.
Other than being an avenue for channeling her grief, art also mended her once marred relationship with her father, who didn’t approve of her career choice to become an artist in the past. “All my life, I have been trying to gain his approval. And when he showed up on opening night and told me how proud he was, it really filled a void inside my heart,” she shares with moist eyes.
Artist on a Mission
Along with these successful exhibits, Kristine also formally launched her advocacy “Artists on a Mission,” which builds on her passion for mentoring aspiring artists and underprivileged children by conducting workshops for them. Unlike before though, where it was all about techniques and skills development, the workshops now include a more spiritual facet, wherein Kristine shares the Word with her students.
This year, the artist is also set to go beyond the Philippines, as she collaborates with musician Jonathan Manalo, who is celebrating 20 years in the industry. The musical and art tour — which will have stops in Singapore, Malaysia and China, among other countries — will showcase a collection of paintings that are inspired by Manalo’s musical portfolio.
“After my son died, the doctor, out of the blue, told me that I should stay strong because I still have a mission in life. Soon after, pastors told me the same thing, that I would bring the Word of God to many places. Maybe this new project is part of its fulfillment,” she says.
From a viewer’s perspective Kristine’s paintings, triptychs and mixed media works are reflective of her creative preferences. They’re mostly a confection of browns, yellows, oranges, depicting eagles both nesting and in flight, as well as a number of other animals. And while they most certainly deliver a strong visual impact, they, too, carry important messages. The artist signs them, not just with her name, but with Bible verses that spectators of her work may want to look into.
“Sometimes, when I think about the past couple of years, I can’t believe that all these worked out. Yes, my hands do the work, but I’m just a messenger. In the end, all these are a product of God’s work in my life,” she concludes.
