By Alex Y. Vergara
Photography by Mau Aguasin / Makeup and grooming by Eddie Mar Cabiltes / Styling by Nasia Celine Cammayo
Apart from their shared passion for competitive contact sports such as muay Thai and arnis, Mike and Kathy Huang also go on what they describe as “unorthodox” measures to strengthen their marriage and make memories with their two children.
As far as the two are concerned, there’s no such thing as a secret sauce in making a relationship work. And if ever there was one, the two ascribe it to achieving the right balance between, as Kathy (née Yap) puts it, being “on the same page,” which includes, in their case, devotion to family and a shared passion for various forms of martial arts, and giving each other enough space to grow in order to allow both of them to give something back to the partnership.
When the two decided to get married in 2008, for instance, Mike, now Rustan Commercial Corp.’s senior vice president for development and support, was just starting his career in retail as a special assistant to the president, which happened to be his mom Nedy Tantoco. (She has since become chairman and CEO of the company behind the country’s biggest and most prestigious luxury department store chain.) In short, it was a trying time for the then young man both professionally and personally. In all those years, Kathy has been very supportive of him, as the demands of his work and family life continued to increase.
“There have been times when I’d come home late or be gone for two weeks straight because of work,” Mike, a Business Administration graduate from the University of Asia and the Pacific, says. “I really appreciate the unconditional support and understanding she gives, especially when I’m away.”
Straightforward
It also makes the soft-spoken Mike’s life a whole lot easier since Kathy, unlike not a few women (and men), is quite “straightforward,” he says. Instead of trying to decipher what his wife is saying—or not saying—Mike spends every waking minute making the most out of his day, which includes driving their two kids, Mackenzie, 9, and Kameron, 6, to school every day with Kathy.
“It’s our way of making the kids know that we’re both there for them,” says Mike, who also makes it a point to have breakfasts and dinners with his family. “There have been times I can’t be there or Kathy can’t be there. But 80 percent of the time, we’re both there for them.”
Kathy, for her part, attributes her straight-talking ways to the fact that she was born and raised in the US. It was only in 2001, soon after 9-11 changed America, that her parents decided she should leave the East Coast and finish her college education in Manila. The dutiful daughter did, earning a degree in Psychology with a minor in Philosophy at Ateneo.
Despite having imbibed the American way of life, Kathy, who was also exposed early on to traditional Chinese-Filipino values, is still very much a homebody who was drawn to the kind and gentle Mike. And like one of life’s many ironies, candid Kathy claims to be an introvert who needs at least a day or two to “recover” after attending a big, late-night party.
“Mike’s one of the nicest persons ever, super bait (very kind),” she attests, as she looks lovingly at her husband. “When we were married, we each had to deal with and overcome a learning curve because we came from different backgrounds. It applies to everyone. I also happen to be very particular. And Mike lets me be.”
But Kathy didn’t let her introverted ways stop her from fulfilling her wifely duties, including accompanying Mike to various work-related functions and social events. Although she considers attending big parties more of a chore than a diversion, Kathy enjoys touching base with a handful of good friends during these huge gatherings. All these years, she has also influenced Mike to appreciate the beauty and therapeutic effects of staying home more often.
The home also happens to be Kathy’s queendom. She claims to be quite hands-on when it comes to managing the home and her family’s needs. Just don’t ask her to tutor their two children. Kathy, who once taught World Religions for nearly three years to high school students at Brent, would rather leave the tutoring to a hired professional. Like a stern, by-the-book father trying to teach a hardheaded and distracted son how to drive (something which often ends up in failure), she has her reasons.
“It’s not just me,” she says with a chuckle. “I think everybody considers their children as the best, the brightest and the most beautiful. In short, we expect too much from them. That’s why we often end up feeling frustrated when they don’t seem to get what we’re teaching them. I know it isn’t fair. At least, I can’t be faulted for not trying.”
Parenting style
But Mike and Kathy are quite proud of their parenting style. The Huangs were invited by a good friend to dine with her and another family with kids almost as old as theirs.
While Mackenzie and Kameron were in their best behavior as they dined with the adults, the kids they were dining with were laughing and playing with their food. Not only did the kids find it amusing. So did their parents. But Kathy and Mike saw something positive from an otherwise appalling development: a “teaching moment” they would later impress upon their two youngsters.
When they were back in the privacy of their hotel room, Kathy casually asked her children what they thought about those two kids’ behavior. Without batting an eyelash, impressionable Kameron had this to say: “Mama, they were rude and disrespectful.”
Kathy, who was initially taken aback by such an on-point observation, couldn’t help but feel proud of her son. All the life lessons, both profound and basic, they’ve been teaching their two kids weren’t in vain after all. That’s why when the two are, in Kathy’s words, “acting up,” the couple need only remind them of the two erring boys they encountered, and that would be enough to quiet them.
“I don’t want to sound like I’m tooting my own horn, but we get complimented a lot for our children’s behavior,” she says. “And not just their behavior because I think any parent can drill that to his or her children through rote memory. What I find heartening is when I hear a lot of people describing them as sympathetic and thoughtful children.”
Shared passion
Then there’s also Mike and Kathy’s shared passion for martial arts and various other forms of contact sports. While Kathy has embraced muay Thai, Mike has tried various forms of martial arts, from muay Thai to judo, before finally finding the right fit in arnis or kali, the famed Filipino form of martial arts.
“I’ve always been into sports,” says Mike. “Although I’m now too old to compete, engaging regularly in martial arts keeps me fit and healthy. I first tried arnis for patriotic reasons. I soon learned that I like it. ”
And contrary to what many people believe, one need not carry a big pair of sticks in arnis to defend one’s self. The big sticks, it turns out, are for beginners. Once they’ve become fairly proficient in arnis, they soon graduate using shorter sticks before being taught by their master to fight with a knife. The final stage in an arnis student’s journey is the “open hand,” which, as the words imply, involves defending yourself with your bare hands.
“If you’ve seen the Jason Bourne movies, when he fights with his bare hands, the character is channeling the Filipino form of martial arts,” Kathy, who also knows a bit of arnis, chimes in. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he (actor Matt Damon) was taught by a Filipino.”
“Everybody kids me not to practice my knowledge of martial arts on Mike,” adds Kathy. “What they don’t know is he’s also instructor-level when it comes to arnis.”
Regardless of the form of martial arts he chooses, one thing is clear. Mike is guided by almost the same words his three teachers reminded him separately during various stages of his life: no way should you use martial arts to provoke a fight or humiliate and terrorize other people.
Unorthodox breaks
A few years into their marriage, the couple also started a practice other couples might deem “unorthodox.” Every year, they each spend five days to a week going on separate vacations. They don’t do it simultaneously since they both agreed early on that at least one parent should stay at home with the kids. These breaks usually involve Mike camping in the outdoors with his male buddies, an activity which Kathy doesn’t particularly enjoy, and Kathy flying off to New York to catch up with her childhood and high school girlfriends.
“There are many things we enjoy doing together,” says Mike. “But there are certain things that we don’t. Camping and experiencing life outdoors are two of them.”
For her part, Kathy says that it’s important for an individual to have an identity “outside of yourself.” Such short breaks from each other enable them to come back “refreshed” and with a new perspective.
On top of these solo breaks, the couple also enjoy traveling with their kids to the beach. While Mike and Kathy chill under the shade, their two water babies have their fill swimming and letting their fantasies run wild in the water. The family also travels together with Kathy’s siblings and their respective families during those big annual trips abroad, which the Yap patriarch organizes.
If there’s a yearly activity they never fail to do with Mackenzie and Kameron, it’s posing with them for an annual family picture. Seeing their kids grow, including witnessing their various transitions and milestones through these annual sittings, is important to Kathy and Mike.
And should they look back, say, 20, 30 years from now, what would make them say to themselves that they’ve led a fairly successful and happy life?
“The fact that we don’t have everything, which we don’t want, anyway, and still remain completely happy and contented where we are right now,” says Kathy.
Mike echoes his wife’s words: “I think we’ve come to appreciate what we have right now. It’s probably not everything that we wanted to have when we were younger. That’s okay. We’ve come to realize that it’s all about being contented with our lives, with our family, with everything. Apart from growing together as a couple, what’s also important to us now is making more memories together with our children.”
