By Jose Paolo S. dela Cruz
Photography by Regine David / Assisted by Ricardo Yan / Styling by Danae Vernisse Dipon / Grooming by OMAR ERMITA / Shot on location at Kondwi PH, Poblacion, Makati City
There’s love at first sight. Then there’s love that blossoms when you finally see each other in a different light. For BJ Pascual and Mike Lavarez, Cupid shot his arrow 10 years late in a nightclub, where, just like that Rihanna song, one could argue that they, finally, “found love in a hopeless place.”
They weren’t strangers when they fell in love. In fact, the two have known each other for 10 years, somewhere in between being friends and acquaintances. BJ, a celebrity photographer on the rise, would often invite Mike, an art director and disc jockey, to his birthday parties—invitations that never bore fruit, so to speak.
Secretly though, BJ already had a huge crush on Mike. Mike, on the other hand, was slightly intimidated by what he labels as BJ’s “celebrity status,” what with the considerable amount of time he spends with his celebrity subjects and muses. And so the decade came to pass, with the two hopping around from one relationship to another, each one of them ending up disappointed and single.
For his part, BJ had spent the better part of his twenties in a string of lackluster relationships. He also admitted to being prone to “changing” himself, just so he could keep up with whoever he was dating; adjusting his preference to prolong relationships that were probably doomed to fail from the beginning.
“In the end, I was cheated on. I was hurt. My mindset was very clear. I’m going to be single for a year,” says BJ. Cut to three years later, he still was single. Ironically, the longer BJ stayed single, the more confident he became. “I started to not care. I started wearing heels. I started to wear makeup. Wala na kong pakialam sa boys (I didn’t care for what other boys thought of me),” he adds.
Mike, on the other hand, had also been single for around two to three years. While his journey doesn’t sound quite as dramatic, he admits that he kept an eye out for that one stranger to come along.
Mike is also known as DJ Mike Lavet of the LGBT club Nectar in BGC – made popular by “Poison Wednesdays” parties that he brings to life with his intoxicating selection of ‘90s and 2000s music. And a few years back, BJ, whose photo was used in one of the promotional posters of the club, was invited to be a guest DJ.
BJ said yes, and ended up joining Mike in the booth, feigning ignorance at the entire thing. “I’ve DJed in parties before, but at that time, I pretended I didn’t know how to do it so that Mike would stay beside me all night and do the actual DJ-ing,” recalls BJ.
“To our surprise, he stayed until five or six in the morning. Then he asked me and my friends out for breakfast,” shares Mike.
The entire squad found themselves inside BJ’s van, with the objective of enjoying some grub in Goto Monster, a popular street-side all-day dining joint. One by one though, they all backed out. In the end, there was just Mike and BJ, sharing stories over breakfast. When all that’s done, Mike walked BJ home.
Two days later they found themselves on another date, this time in a True Value store. Three months went on and they were dating for real. Dating, but not exactly together.
“We knew we liked each other but it wasn’t official,” says BJ. “But then we got into a big fight one time when we were at McDonald’s.”
“It was the kind of argument that was so serious, mag-jowa levels (boyfriend),” Mike continues with a bit of laughter.
After the anger had subsided, both camps ended up surrendering their hearts. “It was so not romantic,” says BJ. “It’s a sign of things to come,” he jokingly adds.
“Uptown Girl”
Three years later, here they are, in a PeopleAsia photo shoot, talking about love.
They’re sweet but not saccharine. For all the kisses and caresses they don’t mind putting on display publicly, Mike and BJ cringe a little when asked about the syrupy staples of stories that run in time for Valentine’s—what do you like most about each other? What do you both dream of? What’s your song?
Still, they gamely try to answer. Mike and BJ laugh with the familiarity of brothers, banter with the irreverent humor of friends and, underneath it all, share the unmistakable connection of, of course, lovers.
“Mike always plays ‘Uptown Girl,’ when I’m in one of his gigs,” says BJ. They don’t have an actual explanation for it, but the song has become part of their tradition as a couple. BJ, on the other hand, admits that he has no song for Mike.
The two of them have also gotten to know each other better through the years, with both saying that the constant bone of their contention would have to be their hectic schedules. “Sometimes we feel like we’re in a long-distance relationship. I live in Makati. Mike is from QC,” says BJ. Add to that their innumerable professional commitments—Mike is a DJ for Cove Manila and Nectar, curator for Kaftan Club and an art director for My Metro Photo; while BJ is a highly sought-after photographer and influencer—and you get the picture.
At some point, they didn’t see each other for three weeks. And they weren’t even fighting.
Still, it is their hardworking personalities that earn them each other’s mutual respect.
“Of all my boyfriends, Mike is the most hard-working. He never stops. And on top of that he has the energy to be thoughtful, not just to me, but to those who are special to him. I’m very proud of that,” says BJ.
Mike, on the other hand, is proud of BJ’s humility. “I’m proud that despite everything he’s achieved, he’s a very grounded person. I’m proud that he can now ride the MRT” he says, eliciting laughter from BJ.
Snarky humour seems to be a staple in this serious relationship. Mike is BJ’s top troll on Instagram—the very first to tease him when the latter posts sexy photos of himself. BJ, on the other hand, makes fun of Mike’s quirks as a person. “On our trip to Japan, we were in a five-star hotel and Mike wouldn’t stop cleaning up! That’s why I always call him ‘housekeeping!’”
In some ways, Mike and BJ, have it easy. They live in the big city, are part of the creative industry, and move around in circles that are generally more accepting of the gay community. However, the two also note that talk gets real when issues such as civil unions and same sex marriage prop up.
As such, both use their social media influence to push for advocacies for the LGBT community. They are both staples in LGBT-friendly events and parties, as well as in pride parades. They also take time to share their experiences to contribute in educating the public about the gay community. “Many times we’re asked, who’s the girl in the relationship? Like, it’s not a proper question. It doesn’t and shouldn’t apply,” shares Mike.
Mike and BJ also find it touching when their followers send them private messages on Instagram, especially those who are encouraged by their journey as a couple. “Sometimes there are these young gay men from far-flung areas who would message us, tell us that we inspire them. That’s something that we’re really grateful for,” says BJ.
Mike and BJ—both handsome, successful and fashionable; both advocates for the LGBT community—very well fit the mold of archetypal couplings in modern gay fiction. Only, they’re real, very much like the love they feel for each other.
And contrary to that Rihanna song, Mike and BJ didn’t find love in a hopeless place. They found love in a hopeful one, in destiny’s perfect time.
