How has the pandemic shaped and strengthened these couples’ respective relationships? If there are silver linings to be found during these dark times, where and how did they find them?
By Alex Y. Vergara
Although SARS-CoV-2, the dreaded novel coronavirus that causes COVID-19, started to spread and wreak havoc as early as December 2019, it didn’t cause a major disruption among not a few lovers, married or otherwise, the world over as they went about celebrating Valentine’s Day last year.
Valentine’s Day 2021, however, will be different, as we’re now entering Year 2 of this long, drawn-out pandemic. Not only will celebrations be tempered this year compared to years past. For good or bad, it’s only natural for couples to also find more reasons to reflect on their respective relationships in light of recent events.
Suddenly, the all-too-common question what has made their relationship last is no longer enough. Faced with the worst pandemic in living memory, they now also find themselves answering the question how have they been managing so far. As a couple, how has their relationship helped them weather this current storm? Put another way, how has this global disaster strengthened their relationship?
Five long-time couples share their thoughts and insights with PeopleAsia on how the pandemic has shaped and continues to shape and strengthen their unions. If there are silver linings to be found during these dark times, these couples show us through their words and examples how and where to find them.
Ton and Karen Concepcion
I always tell my kids that the most important decision you will make in your life is the person you marry. I am so lucky and blessed to have married Karen who is my soulmate and still continues to be my best friend after 27 years of marriage.
There is a silver lining to the pandemic because it has brought my family even closer. The whole family is working and studying from home and I love being with them 24/7.
Karen and I have gone through a lot of ups and downs in life, and through it all we’ve always been there for each other, bringing out the best in each other. Knowing that you have a partner who will always be there no matter what has given me the strength and fortitude to weather any storm that life may bring.
I appreciate Karen now more than ever. The pandemic has taught us that life is truly unpredictable and you can lose everything in an instant. So, every day, as soon as I wake up, I thank God for gifting me with such a wonderful person who loves me unconditionally and has given me such wonderful children. Karen is an eternal source of joy to me and to so many people, and for that I am forever grateful.—Ton Concepcion, entrepreneur
First and foremost, what has made our relationship last is we are really good friends.
In light of this pandemic, we recently celebrated our 27th anniversary. We both just keep things simple. And during these uncertain times, we have learned to support one another. As a family, together with our five children, we have become even closer.
For sure we have had very stressful moments during this pandemic, but we both are very spiritual and remind each other about being grateful for the many blessings and opportunities that come our way.
We always also give each other a lot of understanding and space to breathe when needed. At the end of each day, we give each other a hug. I also say thank you for the wonderful best friend and husband I am blessed to have in Ton.—Karen Concepcion, “artrepreneur”—artist/entrepreneur
Myrza Sison and Andrej Wisniewski
I’d like to think [that] the factors that make for a good foundation for any relationship that were there to begin with are the same things that have made ours last: individual maturity, self-awareness, independence, compatibility and, of course, mutual attraction and passion. I do believe that a relationship between two self-actualized people has a better chance of succeeding and lasting.
Stress-cooking and stress-eating aside, we’ve managed to get through the pandemic’s ups and downs pretty well. We’ve learned so much about ourselves and each other and are better equipped now to handle what else is yet to come.
Being each other’s support system and source of unconditional love have given both of us a strong sense of security about being able to handle whatever life throws our way. We know that no matter what happens, we will be able to handle any challenges together, forever.
Also, being with each other 24/7 for months on end and during a crisis at that will definitely bring out all aspects of any relationship to the fore with no chance or excuse to evade them. Being able to confront and resolve all the important issues of our relationship definitely fortified it!—Myrza Sison, writer, editor, myrza.com, host of Tick Talk and Ask Ms. Myrz
Humor, love and eating, the same elements that have helped our relationship last, have so far helped us survive this pandemic.
I don’t think we’ve ever had to rely on each other as much as we have in the last year. Knowing that we definitely can has made going through all the difficulties much easier.
Spending a lot more time together has also made us appreciate what’s more important in life. Even if everyone knew before the pandemic that material things are not what matter, the pandemic has certainly made it very real.—Andrej Wisniewski, CEO, Raintree Restaurants & Raintree Hospitality
Karen and Joey Villanueva
I think our relationship has lasted because we have very different personalities. They say opposites attract so there is wisdom in that saying. We have shared interests, but we also have our own separate pursuits. And having that space helps.
I also think that successful relationships are those where each person thrives on his/her own rather than being fully dependent on the other for happiness and affirmation. But having said that, we share very similar values and goals in life, which is also one secret why we have endured all these years.
We value the same things like family, friends, profession and our faith in God. We are very aligned in our dreams for our family and we try our best to serve our community and country. We also share simple things like love of good food, movies, travel and shopping.
While I miss traveling and face-to-face meetings and interactions with people, I have managed to cope by keeping myself busy and productive. I have several passion projects —The Nutty Baker, a home-based food business serving family recipes and Health PRx Communications, my consulting business where I help companies navigate the healthcare landscape as well as expand patient access to their medicines and services.
With people becoming more health-conscious, it is important for companies to understand how to address patients’ needs. My third passion is my patient advocacy work where our aim is to strengthen the voice of patients so that health is focused on their needs.
I guess what I miss most these days is seeing my two older children based overseas. While we do regular calls, it still feels good to have them home and the entire family all under one roof. Sometimes, I find myself pining back to the times when they were small and totally dependent on us.
As a couple, it’s hard pala to be together 24/7! Kidding aside, this situation is new to both of us because with his profession of flying and my busy schedule, we tended to be apart most of the time.
With the lockdown, suddenly, both of us are always home and it’s normal to sometimes get on each other’s nerves. It’s good that we have been married for so long and we know each other so well that we don’t take things personally. It also helps that we have our own interests so we can focus on those as our “me time.”
And then, we both go to Mass almost every day so we forgive and forget. So for me, the disruption has made me realize – yes I can grow old with “Kaps” (Joey) because I already have a preview of how things will be post-retirement.
The pandemic has also brought a lot of mental health issues to the fore for many people such as depression, isolation, loneliness, fear, anxiety and even anger. The ability to cope with these strong emotions could test even the strongest of relationships. I guess if your relationship has survived a pandemic, then consider yourselves having passed a litmus test.—Karen Alparce-Villanueva, patient advocate, healthcare consultant and entrepreneur
Since this pandemic started almost a year ago, I have less flights as well as less traveling and meetings for Karen, which enabled us and our grown children to be together more often. So with a lot of time on her hands, she was able to pursue again her baking and cooking. While I went back to biking, which I used to do almost regularly during the early ’90s. In fact, the road bike I use now has been my bike ever since.
This pandemic/lockdown allowed us to have more faith with each other and with our Lord. This faith, I believe, has enabled us to weather any storm that comes along. That and the thought that our lives must go on in this new normal.—Capt. Joey Villanueva, commercial pilot
Dr. Z and Dr. Aivee Teo
The basic fundamentals of trust, honesty and love. We believe that in all marriages, there must be a clear line of communication. Being able to talk to each other about everything and anything is key.
During the pandemic, we were with each other every second of the day. Some couples may not be used to it but for me and Aivee, we are actually used to being with each other every second of our day.
Beecause of this, our relationship actually grew stronger because we really had to rely on each other all the more. With the pandemic, came a lot of challenges in our business and we really leaned on each other to help the business survive and grow. In all disruptions, there is an opportunity to thrive and we were able to use this extended time to grow stronger and be more dependent on each other.–Dr. Z Teo, CEO, The Aivee Group
Duday and Noel Tuason
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But when a husband and wife put Christ at the center of their relationship, everything else falls into place. Noel and I have been married for 36 years now and dated for eight straight years before that. People close to us know we’re always together attending events, dining out, or even shopping. Some find it difficult to spend a lot of time with their spouses, but to us, it’s just the most natural thing to do. A marriage founded on mutual trust and respect is one that we share.
Communication also plays a vital role. Since the lockdown, which started in March last year, we practically interact with one another 24/7. And the more we spend time together, the more we fall in love with each other over and over again. We find ways to make each day as exciting and as enjoyable as the circumstances surrounding us would allow.
There are a million ways to spice up a marriage even during this pandemic. You just have to be creative. We watch Netflix, plan meals, talk to family via social media, attend online Sunday worship service and do many other activities together. I even learned how to give him a decent haircut. The past year has not been easy for most families, and we count it as a blessing that there is peace and harmony in our home where true love abounds.—Duday Tuason, homemaker
Noel Crisostomo and Roland Alzate
They say opposites attract. The minute our eyes met, there was already a strong attraction. But despite our differences, we like similar things: travel, dining out, fashion and movies. Since we are both in the same field, it makes it even easier for us to support each other.
During this pandemic, it was a lot easier for us since our production is done in the first floor of our home. And with the addition of our son Argo, we both take turns caring for him. He is now two and one half years old, and during his first year we didn’t hire a babysitter. We wanted to learn to care for him and that taught me and Rense (Roland) more patience with each other as well.
What bridged our differences is perhaps our joint effort not to allow misunderstandings to fester. That one person has to say sorry even if we both think we are right. We do not sleep with a heavy heart. More often than not, after a bit of time, we end up just laughing about it after. — Noel Crisostomo, fashion designer
Noel and I are total opposites, but i think that’s what makes us click. We have accepted and even celebrated our differences. That’s why even in times of conflict, we always end up finding a good place where we can meet halfway. Noel is realistic, while I’m always in la la land. Noel keeps things in perspective. I, on the other hand, love to mix things up with a bit of chaos. Surprisingly, we have co-existed beautifully.
Without sounding offensive or callous to other people’s sufferings, to us, it hasn’t felt like that there’s an ongoing pandemic. At least, while we’re inside our home. I attribute this to the fact that Noel and I are both homebodies despite the nature of our professions.
We always find time to be entertained and have steady sources of entertainment at home with Argo and his cousin. And this includes lots of storytelling, concert “performances” and dance numbers, and “theatrics.” In fact, we’ve really grown closer during this time that I have ended up calling this period “love in the time of corona.” —Roland Alzate, fashion designer
